So. I decided a few days back I was going to give AA a try. Tonight is the first meeting. 19:30. I am going alone.
Now I don’t believe myself to be an alcoholic. It has been 32 days since I last touched alcohol (and the events of that night turned out disastrous and was part of the reason I decided to stop). I didn’t have any physiological re actions, which I thought was weird considering I’d been drinking almost everyday for a few months, but I suppose I wasn’t addicted physically. And not mentally either. I know maybe I sound like I’m in denial or whatever but I don’t think I’m a true alcoholic. Just a kid who turned to booze because she was overly manic and it tasted good.
So why AA then?
Well, it’s damn hard to avoid alcohol. Everywhere you look people are drinking, talking about it. In movies drinking and having a hangover is glorified in a way and going on a drinking spree in movies and shows is funny and almost cute, with the star waking up the next morning in a hilariously awkward position, but there are no real consequences. For example I watched the no movie “No Strings Attached” and after a night of drinking the guy wakes up in a girl friends apartment, they have a good laugh about his antics, become lovers that morning and end up together, happily ever after at the end of the movie.
I know it’s just a movie. But it glorifies drinking. But anyway, what I’m getting at is that it is hard to be sober when everything around you is just screaming DRINK ME IT’LL BE FUN.
So I’m going to an AA meeting to see how they do it. How do they avoid temptation? How do they move on with their lives after re calling moments when their drinking landed them in serious trouble or caused pain to others? How do they do it? That’s why I’m going.
And maybe I’ll make a few friends. Cause right now I have none who understand this journey I’m on. We’re young. I’m a varsity student. Life is all about the parties and drinking and being high on life. People say things like, “oh, you have an exam in a few days? Psshtt! Come out with us, have a few drinks! Just cram the night before. It works!”
No. It doesn’t. Not when you’re on medication and having 3 or 4 drinks completely ends you for days. I used to pride myself on being able to drink copious amounts, I’d pride myself on putting boys who drink beer to shame. I wouldn’t pride myself on the table dancing and drunk dialing (or dop en dial – is what we call it in South Africa) that followed after.
But now, I regress. Point is I’ve stopped drinking, and that’s good. But I’d like to keep not drinking. And I want to learn how through AA.
Wish me luck.
neveraloneblog 