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Monthly Archives: April 2013

Cup of Coffee

Every morning I sit and enjoy a nice strong cup of coffee and I sit and read through all the blogs that I follow. Though I don’t comment much I do enjoy all of your writing. You are all such interesting people! I often use this time to think and reflect a bit. I listen to some music and just sit and just be me. Lately I’ve been thinking of how far I’ve come since my world crumbled down last October. Oh, that dreadful few weeks where I just lost control completely. When I lost me completely.

And now look. I have never been so happy in my relationships with my family. I have this beautiful and wonderful man in my life. I am so excited about my future, I’m almost done with the first semester of my last year. I will have a BA degree in Psychology soon. Just on my way to getting my qualifications that are needed for me to call myself a Psychologist. I plan to branch off into the forensic field. I’ve already got my eye set on the place I want to work – IPS  and their forensic and investigative psychology unit.

Saturday night I went and saw Metallica live in concert with 3 of my brothers and S. It was amazing! We don’t often get such big acts here in South Africa, but when we do, it is awesome 🙂

I’ve also started saving for a trip I want to take at the end of the year with my boyfriend. Maybe to Thailand. Considering I have a small part time job and a student budget it”s going to be a bit tricky. I have this savings account that my grandmother set up for me to use to complete my studies. For the past 3 years I have gotten bursaries for getting my distinctions for different subjects. I’m going to use the money I have saved from these bursaries to contribute to my trip as a little graduation present. All that studying has BEEN SO WORTH IT!

Well I don’t have much to say really.

OH, I had a brief stay in hospital. But I’ll blog about that later when I have more time. It’s an interesting story.

But now I’m going to drink my coffee and carry on reading all your blogs 🙂

 

xxx

 
7 Comments

Posted by on April 29, 2013 in Random, Relationships

 

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So far away

Staind – So Far Away

This is my life

Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before
Somebody shake me
‘Cause I
I must be sleeping

Now that we’re here,
It’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All in the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we’re here it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive
And I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today

These are my words

That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing okay
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me ’cause I
I must be sleeping

I’m so afraid of waking
Please don’t shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don’t shake me

 

I love this song. All about having a new beginning, trying again, being so far away from all that was bringing you down.

I don’t write as much as anymore. I guess I’m really busy, don’t have a lot to say. I’ve been reading all your blogs though. You people are awesome and special.

Things are going so well with S. Everyday he makes me feel alive. He makes me feel wanted and special. He makes me feel like I want to be a better person, I want to try harder, work harder, be better. But in a healthy way of course, it’s not like he puts pressure on me or anything, He is nurturing and understanding. But seeing how successful he is and how far he has come in life makes me want to try harder at everything.

I’ve come down such a long, hard road. I’ve still got so far to go. But I feel so good. Better than I’ve felt in ages. I feel like I can forgive. Forgive others. But most importantly forgive myself. I am not my mistakes, I am not the pain and hurt. I am not the bi polar.

I am not the bipolar.

And sure, I think about the friends I’ve lost and the completely fucked up things I did ALL THE TIME. It just wasn’t me, and I’m experiencing what they call in psychology cognitive dissonance (in retrospect) where my actions just don’t match my thoughts. I think that’s what makes it all so difficult. I know the person I am was not that person who was so manic and so depressed. But in a way it sets me free a little, knowing it’s not who I am. It was a mistake. Many mistakes, but gosh how I learned from them.

So yeah. This path of healing that I am on is starting to just all make sense.

And I’ve good music, good medicine, good therapy, a good family, and a wonderful kind boyfriend who is making everyday that much more beautiful. And great sex too, don’t forget the great sex. Oxytocin does wonders for the body. 🙂

Take care everyone.

Lot’s of love to blog land

xx

 
6 Comments

Posted by on April 8, 2013 in Bipolar, Relationships

 

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