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Why why why

Why is there such a stigma attached to mental illness?

We are in the year 2013, having experienced great leaps of science, medicine and understanding of the human psyche.

Then why, when it comes up and tell someone you actually live with a mental disorder, do they gave you that look and say “ohhhh.”

I’ve been asked a lot of questions when it comes to my bi-polar. Alot of them have to do with my daughter (eg: is she going to have it when she’s older?) and a lot of it is just general misinformed rubbish. I think it’s cause I’m so young. Because no, mental disorders are for older people, with more life experience and more time to go crazy. I can’t possibly be bipolar…I’m too young…the doctor just probably loves dishing out diagnosis and putting you on a bunch of pills.

I’ve met a lot of judgmental idiots. But I’ve also met a lot of caring, understanding and supportive people – yet usually these are the ones who have a disorder themselves, or have a close family member who does. They read my blog and think it’s good (which I’m so grateful for!) and most importantly…they are educated.

It seems like there is not enough literature in the world to educate people and get rid of the stigma attached to mental illness. It’s a societal thing. Engraved in the minds of many, many people who see mental illness in the media as something completely and utterly tragic and something scary. The media, movies and television display mental illness in the most drastic way possible. We don’t all flip our tops and go on killing sprees or talk to the walls and become obsessed with lovers. No, some of us are just your average joe/jane really just trying to make it through life with something real and hard. We just have an extra bag or load to carry with us. But we are not freaks or weirdo’s or “insane.”

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2 Comments

Posted by on May 30, 2013 in Bipolar, Random

 

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Why Are You Sad – You Have Everything, You Have No Reason To Be Depressed.

That’s what a “friend” said to me. She said I had no reason to feel depressed or attempt suicide. She wrote a very scathing letter, putting attempt in ” commas ” and said I should be disgusted with myself, and that I have everything going for me – why should I be depressed?

To say it was hurtful is an understatement. But since then I have looked at it from her position – she has her own issues and problems and was speaking from a place of hurt and anger with her own life. She has also always been jealous of me in some way (I know that sounds egotistic) but I get where she’s coming from. I have since parted ways from her though.

But that’s the point I’m getting at. Why do I feel so depressed?

I have a beautiful daughter and family. I’m a second year psychology student, I get good marks. I have a roof over my head, food and am well taken care of. My parents and family are supportive and I have a wonderful psychiatrist who has helped me through the years.

Does all this mean I should just be happy? That I have no reason to complain, to feel sad? Does it mean I’m an ungrateful whining selfish bitch?

No. I am in pain.

I feel it everyday.

People who say “oh snap out of it you have no reason to be depressed” are the worst people to be around. They don’t understand the all consuming feelings of hopelessness. And when we boil it down to biology, that it is all just a chemical imbalance in the brain – they don’t even understand that either. I have let people’s judgments get to me for far too long. Just because I have what one would perceive to be a good life doesn’t mean I have no justification for feeling what I am feeling.

What I feel is real and there everyday and I struggle with it. I’m the one that has to take countless medicines just to get out of bed in the morning and I’m the one who contemplates life and death almost daily. Does that make me weak and pathetic?

No. It makes me a survivor. It makes me a person trying to beat depression and control bi polar.

It makes me stronger everyday and more able to deal with the stigmas attached to who I am.

Just like someone may have a broken leg or heart problems, I have bi polar depression. It is a disease. It’s not some made up feeling that I use to manipulate people with. No.

So I am sad. I deal with it and try make the best of my life.

You go on and keep your ridiculous judgments to yourself.

 

Found this great story written on this very point – http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/serious.htm

 

Take care of yourselves, and really, F^%& what uneducated and judgmental people say.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on October 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Shut up

Okay so I haven’t written in a while. Again. And I should probably just be giving an update and writing my depression part 2. But I’ve decided instead that a rant is needed.

There is a certain stigma attached to epilepsy or any kind of brain ‘problem’, there is no denying that. The amount of questions I’ve been asked before border on straight out rude and pathetic. For example:

*looking at me like I’m contagious* “So, do you, like, convulse and swallow your tongue and stuff?”

no. That does not happen. I then calmly explain that 1) it’s impossible to ‘swallow your tongue’ and 2) I have petit mal epilepsy, I don’t convulse, I may pass out or go blank so please stop looking at me like I have two heads or something. Another one:

“You shouldn’t be driving/walking alone/swimming/carrying your daughter” – ok, so maybe this one is based on some kind of care. But I’m not an invalid, really. I can usually tell when a seizure is coming and I am perfectly capable of looking after my child and driving a vehicle. I’m not stupid, if I don’t feel well I wont do these things.

“So” *person looks at me with wide eyes* “It’s genetic right, that means your daughter is going to be bi polar? and uh, epileptic? Are you worried?”

OF COURSE I’M WORRIED YOU STUPID EFFING NOSEY BASTARD but really what business of it is yours? And do you seriously have to be so tactless about it? Honestly the nerve of some people…

So if my baby girl does end up with the same disorders I have, it’s not the end of the world. I will look after her and walk her through it just as my mother has done for me. For crying out loud it is not a life sentence or something. I’m not broken or contagious or an invalid.

Perhaps I’m over reacting a little. But this is all coming from some people’s complete lack of education when it comes to certain disorders or differences. People are so quick to give you that wide eyed “oh what a shame” look when you explain why it is you’re taking medication or why you’ve been in hospital the past week. Maybe some of them are being compassionate I guess, but the majority treat it as if it’s some dirty shameful problem.

it’s just lack of education I know. But still, I just wish I could say SHUT UP and read a book or something before you give me that look or stupid question or tone of voice.

K so maybe I’m being a little mean here. But that’s my rant I guess.

Sometimes I wonder if I should maybe be more selective of who I share my thoughts and experiences with. I mean I don’t go around telling the whole world my issues and feelings but I’ve decided to no longer hide the fact that I am an epileptic and have bi polar. I don’t spew it out to everyone I meet but if they ask I explain. I’m not going to be ashamed of it.

And maybe I can help spread a little knowledge and understanding.

Anyway. Angry post.

Have a great day all.

xxx

 
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Posted by on August 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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