I feel depressed.

Not in general, but definitely today. I just feel so sad. So useless. So lonely.

I’m missing a friend, was hoping to see him again soon. But things have just gotten so complicated. I don’t know when I will see him.

I go back to Varsity tomorrow. Which is good I know, I am keen to getting back to doing some work, stimulating my mind a little. But I’m also a tad freaked out. My final year, so much work. I’m nervous. I know that’s just the depression whispering “you’re useless” into my ear.

The weather is very rainy. I love rain, but not today. I wish there was some to fry my brain a bit. Rain always makes me think too much.

And I’m lonely. So so lonely. I miss the aforementioned friend, Gee. Wish I could just hug him or something. But like I said, shits’ complicated there. So that’s where the loneliness is kicking in. I miss being in a relationship (kind of). I have a few dates lined up and I ma seeing my good friends, so I’m not alone as much as I feel alone. I think my mind is just lonely. It feels lonely all up in my head. There’s plenty of voices, telling me how pathetic and stupid I am and reminding me of all the mistakes I’ve made but besides for that it’s lonely in there. Does that make any sense or does it just sound insane?

My daughter is getting bigger everyday. Things with her father are terrible. He’s a dick. It’s as simple as that. And is not contributing a cent towards her life. So that’s depressing all in itself.

But what I mean is my babygirl is getting so big and I feel like I’m doing a terrible job. That my bipolar is going to ruin her life someday. That I’m going to hurt her. Once again. Just the depression talking.

Right?