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Hi everyone!
I’m back. Took long enough.  Guess I just needed a break. I kept up with all ya’ll blogs now and it’s great to see so many sticking it out and trying their best at being healthy.

That’s what I’ve been doing but not always with success.
My epilepsy is well under control. I am happy about that 🙂

My bipolar is not entirely unstable but not great either. For some stupid reason I went off my zyprexa and experienced my first hypomanic state which is pretty interesting. I could do so much and function so well but then I became so irritable…and angry. I lashed out at everyone and stopped being able to concentrate which is terrible when you’re in you final semester of your final year of your BA degree!

I swung abit towards depression then too…and spent days in bed. Which is extremely unlike me

I knew something was up but didn’t really realize it until things got really bad with my boyfriend. So a few days ago I saw my doc and he has now put me on 5mg of Abilify which has so far made me restless/lethargic/hyperactive.
Weird hey?

So if any of ya’ll have some experience with Abilify please let me know your stories. Cause I’m finding this med incredibly strange right now.

Other than this short blog I dont have much to say. Again.

But my ramblings will come soon.

Take care everyone xxx

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Posted by on August 14, 2013 in Bipolar, Epilepsy, Medication

 

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Oh hi there TLE!

TLE – Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. Kind of a bummer.

I’ve had it nicely under control for a little while. I’ve been on a high dose of anti epileptic medicine called lamictin. 400 mg actually and it’s been kept well under control. But I’ve had quite the awful tummy bug for 2 days now – literally hugging the toilet bowl for most of the day. And it’s hard then to keep the very important medication in and then I feel it…my brain starts getting twitchy. Get a little headache right in my temple and feel fuzzy all over. I haven’t had a seizure yet – and by seizure I mean full on fainting spell 1800’s lady style. Very dramatic. At least I don’t pee myself. That would suck.

I’ve taken extra meds and been speaking to my doctor whose helped me get the nausea under control so I’m feeling a bit better now. I work for a GP and told her how I was feeling and she very kindly actually phoned my psychiatrist to find out what to do for me. I thought that was sweet. You don’t often find doctor’s that care that much. It’s not just cause she’s my boss, I’ve seen her do it with a few patients. But anyway he said I must just try take my meds and take it easy. I’ve contemplated taking zyprexa as it dissolves right away. However it’s an anti-psychotic mood stabiliser rather than an anti epileptic. But it does relax me and help me sleep for a good while. I dunno, we’ll see if I get better after a good cup of black tea and a nap. So far I’ve managed to hold in some liquids.

S, the new boyfriend, is coming over tonight and we’re going to just chill and watch a movie. I’ll admit I feel a little wary, I don’t want to appear some sickly gross girl and put him off. He has said he wants to come and help me feel better, which I think is so kind and sweet. But like I said it’s the beginning stages and I want him to think I’m this wonderful creature who doesn’t poop or fart or burp or vomit up the macaroni and cheese she had for lunch 😀

Anyway, I suppose it’s a good test to see how things will turn out. If he accepts me in all my sickly glory and still gives me one of those sweet kisses on the forehead while stroking my cheek I definitely think he’s a keeper…as if I didn’t already!

I’ve skipped out on quite a few lectures this week so far, due to being sick. I’ve got 2 tests next week (big ones) and I must just not myself get too stressed. That’s when the epilepsy really comes up and cripples me entirely.

I found this video and transcript about the “funny feelings” you get with TLE. I get them all the time, a twitchiness, feeling fuzzy, anxious, uncomfortable and tons of feelings of deja vu.

Here’s the link: http://www.howcast.com/videos/502012-Temporal-Lobe-Epilepsy-Epilepsy-and-Seizure-Disorders

But yeah, otherwise, I guess I’m okay 🙂

Hope everyone is well.

Have a great day ya’ll.

xxx

 

 

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Living in fear

I need to blog more. I get a truck load of thoughts building up and then when it comes to writing them down I look at a blank screen and nothing flies from my fingertips like I thought it would. I don’t know, maybe I’m just busy. Life is busy right now. I’m still seeing this guy who makes me really happy. Besides the occasional down day when I let my doubts and feelings of self hatred grab hold and I end up acting like a complete idiot and feeling over sensitive to every word he says, besides for that, I’m pretty happy with him. He’s normal. In the good way. I like it.

It’s been quite a long while since I’ve liked a guy this much. I find myself thinking of him when I’m doing the most arbitrary things. Looking forward to a text from him. Getting butterflies on the way to meeting up with him. Practically fainting when he kisses me in that way where he touches my cheek and gives me this little smile. My gosh, I feel like I’m in a fairy tale movie.

So when is the evil dark lord bi polar and sickening fiend epilepsy going to rush into the scene and just RUIN everything? I realize that’s pretty unhealthy, like I’m just waiting for these things to crop up and cause damage instead of taking the steps to ensure it doesn’t happen. I mean I am, I’m taking my meds and seeing my doc and I’ve been honest with him about everything. Yesterday I got heart palpitations (a side effect of my medicine) and he just stared at me with this look of complete and utter concern (and a bit of fear) and stared for a while. It was so awkward, I didn’t know how to react. I felt weird for saying anything. It’s the beginning stages of everything and I still want him to think I’m this perfect girl though that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m not perfect and I got a bunch of baggage and these things that do go wrong. And often.

I don’t know why I’m feeling so negative. Maybe I’m just really scared. Scared of being rejected again because of my illness. Scared of being hurt like that again.

It’s not nice living in fear like this. It will stop what I have with him possibly developing into something real and beautiful.

So I’m just going to try. Push these thoughts out of my mind, look after myself, build a good foundation with him and try keep things light hearted and lovey-dovey/mushy for now – just how things should be in the beginning.

Ah.

I’m still terrified.

 

 
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Posted by on March 4, 2013 in Bipolar, Random

 

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Epilepsy – Some Information

I live with petit mal epilepsy in my temporal lobe, which is not as damaging as full blown grand mal epilepsy. I do not have seizures as such, I rather pass out or ‘go blank’ or faint or just kind of switch off in a way. It’s like a little switch in my head flips and I’m all of a sudden not there anymore. I get awful headaches and very funny feelings all over my body, sometimes I even hallucinate and other times I’m just so out of it I cannot communicate.

My psychiatrist says that often bi polar and epilepsy go hand in hand, that the epilepsy triggers bi polar episodes and such. I was diagnosed when I was about 16 (I’m now 20) and have been on tons of medication and been in hospital countless times. It’s something my family and I have come to live with. It’s not something you can just get right with a pill and then expect everything to be fine. Because we’re dealing with hormones and brain chemicals that are constantly fluctuating (and greatly influenced by things like alcohol and caffeine). It is a constant struggle to get things to some degree of normality. Normality being not passing out every 5 minutes.

So I have come to accept the fact that I will never just get better. We can reach a place where I’m as stable as can be but even that can change so quickly.

But what I would like to do with this post is clear a few things up.

Epilepsy isn’t gross or contagious, you can’t swallow your tongue or anything like that. Although with grand mal seizures they can be pretty scary and violent. We are normal people. Every now and then our brains just experience a little electric storm and we may lose consciousness or lose track of what we were saying. It doesn’t make us fainting damsels in distress or rude because we got confused and did not remember a conversation – it just makes our brains a little different. An electrical storm took place in our brains and we were unable to receive or send out information effectively. It is neurons misfiring. We are not stupid or rude or drama queens (and kings!)

For me personally, I feel an epileptic attack coming on and am most often able to stop what I’m doing and lie down. Because I just faint or black out I have hurt myself countless times (falling down stairs etc.) and it’s not fun. As the years have gone by I have been able to recognize the signs and take my medication and look after myself. I’m usually down and out for a few days until my body recovers and I can resume life as usual. It’s hard, but we have learned to deal with it and try make the best of it.

I’ve scoured the internet to find a video that may explain things a bit better, and raise some awareness for those living with epilepsy.

Also it’s very possible to go through life not knowing you have a form of epilepsy. Ever been called a “scatter brain?” Ever been lost in a daydream and can’t recall what you were doing or thinking? If these go hand in hand with some other type of mental disorder, it’s a very real possibility you could be suffering with a mild form of epilepsy and should ask your doctor about it and get test done.

I found a video on YouTube that debunks some of the myths about epilepsy. I found it pretty interesting:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4u1hYsVmfs

I tried to upload the video directly but couldn’t quite get it right!  :-/

If you are looking for more information, visit http://www.epilepsy.com/

 

Also, here is my video blog of what it’s like to have a seizure :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9JalA8n6dk&feature=g-upl

 

Thanks for the read and take care everyone. Have a great day 🙂 xxx

 

 

 
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Posted by on November 2, 2012 in Brain Chemicals

 

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