That’s what a “friend” said to me. She said I had no reason to feel depressed or attempt suicide. She wrote a very scathing letter, putting attempt in ” commas ” and said I should be disgusted with myself, and that I have everything going for me – why should I be depressed?
To say it was hurtful is an understatement. But since then I have looked at it from her position – she has her own issues and problems and was speaking from a place of hurt and anger with her own life. She has also always been jealous of me in some way (I know that sounds egotistic) but I get where she’s coming from. I have since parted ways from her though.
But that’s the point I’m getting at. Why do I feel so depressed?
I have a beautiful daughter and family. I’m a second year psychology student, I get good marks. I have a roof over my head, food and am well taken care of. My parents and family are supportive and I have a wonderful psychiatrist who has helped me through the years.
Does all this mean I should just be happy? That I have no reason to complain, to feel sad? Does it mean I’m an ungrateful whining selfish bitch?
No. I am in pain.
I feel it everyday.
People who say “oh snap out of it you have no reason to be depressed” are the worst people to be around. They don’t understand the all consuming feelings of hopelessness. And when we boil it down to biology, that it is all just a chemical imbalance in the brain – they don’t even understand that either. I have let people’s judgments get to me for far too long. Just because I have what one would perceive to be a good life doesn’t mean I have no justification for feeling what I am feeling.
What I feel is real and there everyday and I struggle with it. I’m the one that has to take countless medicines just to get out of bed in the morning and I’m the one who contemplates life and death almost daily. Does that make me weak and pathetic?
No. It makes me a survivor. It makes me a person trying to beat depression and control bi polar.
It makes me stronger everyday and more able to deal with the stigmas attached to who I am.
Just like someone may have a broken leg or heart problems, I have bi polar depression. It is a disease. It’s not some made up feeling that I use to manipulate people with. No.
So I am sad. I deal with it and try make the best of my life.
You go on and keep your ridiculous judgments to yourself.
Found this great story written on this very point – http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/serious.htm
Take care of yourselves, and really, F^%& what uneducated and judgmental people say.